


Katsuki Yuuri's 30 Day Diary Challenge

by lilithduvare



Series: Magic on Ice [1]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 30 Day Diary Challenge, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, But he is leaving soon, Drabbles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them AU, Gen, He is still in wizard school, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Weight Issues, Yuuri is 17, wizard!Yuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:19:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9442421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilithduvare/pseuds/lilithduvare
Summary: He received the gorgeously decorated diary from Minako-sensei with the print of list tuck inside of it. She was not unkind but firm when she ordered him to complete each day worth of challenge if he knew what was good for him. She did not tell him it would be so hard.





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a companion piece to my Fantastic Beasts AU The Eros of Magic. It will have 30 drabbles set in Yuuri's third POV and show a period of his life when he was at his lowest. It's sort of a challenge for me too, forcing me to write each day and not to give up. I hope you'll enjoy it. And get to know Yuuri better.

 

**My biggest barrier to weight loss is _____ and here is why: ____**

  
Yuuri looked down at the empty page taunting him, his jaw hurting from the way his teeth were clenching so hard they were almost grinding each other to fine dust. His biggest barrier to weight to weight loss…  
  
What did they expect him with this challenge? That he would break down in tears, confessing his deepest regrets to the silently watching soft cream pages? That he would open up and babble about how bad he had it? That he would whine about his giant mess of a life? His shattered career in figure skating? His status as an outside at Mahoutokoro?  
  
What would that change? Nothing. He knew that he was lucky to have such an understanding and caring family. He did not care that none of them had magic and that it was only him who had been saddled with powers he never wanted. He knew that it had been his own decision to give up skating because he had been folding under the pressure like a pathetic excuse of a house of cards. He knew that discrimination was anything but rational. And it wasn’t like he didn’t have any friends. Phichit was there for him, always happy to see him and sit next to him during classes. He was not alone.  
  
The belly he grew? It was all on him and his inability to say no to his mom’s katsudon. Adding his tendency to gain weight even just by looking at food and lack of exercise to that? It was a recipe for disaster. There was no mystery to that. There were no barriers between him and weight loss besides his own lack of self-control. No mystery to that either.  
Still, Minako-sensei expected him to do this. And to be honest. So he touched the tip of his pen to the paper and started writing.  
  
**My biggest barrier to weight loss is me and here is why:**  
_I just don’t care one way or another. There is no drive to lose weight, because there is nothing in my life that requires any physical fitness from me. A ~~nd I’m fine~~ But maybe I’m not fine with that._


	2. Day 2

**What do I want out of my life? How do I make sure I get it?**  
  
Yuuri found himself dumbfounded by the second ‘challenge’. Wanting something out of his life. He was seventeen, just six months away from leaving Mahoutokoro and he was supposed to know what he wanted out of his life. He was supposed to act like an adult. Have plans, prospects, a future.  
  
He had nothing.  
  
He was moderately good at Traditional and Contemporary Runes. He could work with charms. Neither of those things were enough for a career. Not when he was not exceptional in any of those areas. His grades were not spectacular, he was just another dime a dozen Madoushi. Someone with no bright future ahead of him.  
  
Maybe if he had a stronger hold on his self-control, if he could have handled the stress better, he could have continued skating. Maybe he would have won a few competitions, not major ones of course, he was no Viktor Nikiforov, but smaller ones before retiring and using his experience for something. Maybe even teach children.  
  
But he had given up. Like the coward he was. And now he had to figure out an acceptable answer to a question that meant nothing to him. Taking a deep, shaky breath he clicked on his pen and started writing.  
  
_**What do I want out of my life? I want to be stronger.**_ _Better. Happy._  
  
_**How do I make sure I get it?**_ _I don’t know._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support and reading this little drabble fest. The new chapter of The Eros of Magic should be out on Sunday! 
> 
> Oh and feel free to checkout the preview of my art for the fic. It's still wip but hopefully it'll be ready with Yuuri and Victor added in a few days.  
> https://yuurinomahouteki.tumblr.com/image/156365505211
> 
> Hugs, Queenie


	3. Day 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and reading and blueraven22 the wonderful comment! Sorry for the wait, real life and The Eros of Magic got into the way of continuing this. But I'm back and will update again later today.

## What is your relationship with food like? Write it a letter, as if it were a real person.

_Dear Food,_

Yuuri cringed inwardly, pen already poised to scratch the words out. He did not want to write a letter to food. What was there to write anyway? That he was powerless against the juicy goodness that was his mother’s katsudon? That he was a pathetic excuse of a human being, too weak to control himself when it came to eating? That he ate his feelings? He could never write those things down. Because they were…

True.

At least he was enough of a man to admit that much. He clung to food desperately, using it as a crutch, as a coping mechanism to help him feel better. Better about not being good enough. About failing to live up to everyone’s expectations. About giving up his love for skating.

Food helped him.

It asked no questions. It passed no judgment. It wasn’t disappointed with him when he made a mistake. It didn’t berate him for not finding the strength to get out of his bed. And did not call him a pig when he put on weight.

Food was his friend.

**What is your relationship with food like? Write it a letter, as if it were a real person.**

_Dear Food,_

_Thank you._

_Yours,  
Katsuki Yuuri_


	4. Day 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and hits! This one is a bit longer and you get a glimpse of Viktor too! Also something that will appear in The Eros of Magic later.

## Dear Body, I love you because…

“I don’t,” Yuuri told the stupid list and put down his pen ten seconds after picking it up. He hated his body. What he hated even more was the hunger constantly gnawing at his stomach because Minako-sensei decided enough was enough and forbade him to eat anything greasy or delicious.

“You look like a sad, saggy balloon, Yuuri,” she had said with a frown, her fingers imprisoning the heavenly pork cutlet bowl Yuuri had been about to devour. It had been cruel and not just because her words cut deep, but because she had taken away the only comfort Yuuri had. And also told Yuuri’s mother not to make him any katsudon because he did not deserve it.

Now, almost a week later, Yuuri was ready to set fire to everything green that could be put even near his plate. He had enough. His stupid body was starving and hurting all over, muscles crying from the exhaustion of working out forced upon them. Exercise they had tried to forget.

Overall, he felt horrible and wanted nothing more than crawl back into his bed and hide from the world. But there was nothing to do. Minako-sensei would skin him alive if he missed another practice session, never mind that Yuuri had no intention to ever go back to skating let alone ballet dancing.

He was a Madoushi now. A mediocre one, but still it was who he was. Sports had no place in his life.

If only Minako-sensei and everyone else around him would accept that.

His computer pinged with a new email notification, and a simple click told him that a new article about Viktor Nikiforov had been uploaded onto one of the blogs he followed. He clicked on it desperately, his eyes widening when he saw the title:

## VIKTOR NIKIFOROV IS BACK AFTER A SEASON OFF!

He knew that Viktor had had to take a whole season off after he landed a triple axel wrong in the Four Continents the previous year. He needed surgery because one of the ligaments broke in his left knee, but Yuuri had his faith in him and knew that he would be back. (If he sent Viktor a charmed silver bracelet he worked weeks on no one had to know. After all what was the chance that Viktor would ever receive let alone wear it?)

Now he was back and ready to take over the world. Yuuri just knew it that Viktor would shine brighter than ever and he couldn’t wait to see him on the ice again.

He looked down on his diary, the empty page mocking him… daring him to fill it with words he had been avoiding with all his might. Except, if Viktor could overcome an injury like a broken ligament, Yuuri could overcome his pathetic excuses. He could find the person he used to be.

Maybe.

**_Dear Body, I love you…_ **

_because you never give up on me. Even when I treat you horribly and fill you with things that cause you harm. You stand by me and adjust without complaints._

_Dear Body, I love you because you are stronger than me and keep pushing me to want to be strong as well._


	5. Day 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even you guys! Seriously, I never thought this will get any readers and here we are in the hundreds! And the kudos and VioletK's and blueraven22's amazing comments! Thank you, you have no idea how much this means to me.

## List 10 things you are grateful for today

It was hard to feel gratefulness for anything when all he could think of was the echoing emptiness that left his head numb. His resolve from the previous day had managed to disappear by morning, just gone as if it had never even existed. He skipped ballet practice with Minako-sensei despite knowing she would make him pay for it later. He just couldn’t find it in himself to get up, to put on his clothes, to do anything.

Winter break was ending in three days and he would be cut off from the Madoushinai world again. He would miss Viktor’s return to the ice at the Four Continents Championship, a fitting start to show the world that Viktor was unstoppable. He would be shut away in the grand castle and surrounded by Madoushi who looked down on him and magic that only ever cooperated when he was waving runes and crooning age old charms, long forgotten by most of the modern magical society.

If only he could look forward to graduation. But even that left him with the vague feeling of a mountain troll sitting on his chest. Just where was his resolve when he needed it most?

Gritting his teeth, he clicked the pen on out of spite. Yes, he was hiding under his blanket fort. Yes, he was still in his pajamas in four in the afternoon. Yes, he was going to have to face Minako-sensei the next day and apologize for missing practice even though she had been counting on him. But even if he was a disaster, maybe he could do this one thing.

Find ten things he was grateful for.

_**List 10 things you are grateful for today** _

_1\. My mother_  
(Yuur’s lips twitched up at the thought of his wonderful mother, who was always there for him, supporting his every move.)  
_2\. My home_  
(Hasetsu was as much of a haven for him as food always had been.)  
_3\. Ice  
4\. Viktor_

He paused, looking down at his list. His chest gave a pang when he realized that he missed his dad and Mari. But he didn’t know what to do. He started writing without thinking and now here he was. He ignored his father and sister, as if they had no role in his life, as if they hadn’t been just as amazing and supporting as his mother…

Swallowing around the sudden lump in his throat, he squeezed the pen in his hand harder and hastily added to the first point of his list:  
_1\. My mother and my father and Mari_

He looked at it and quickly scratched it out even though he knew it was against the rules. But it was just so obvious he added his father and Mari as an afterthought. If someone ever seen it… No, he needed it to be perfect.

_1\. My family_

There. That had to be the correct answer. Except he felt even worse because it all just rang false. He did not feel grateful at all in that moment. Not for his family and not even for Viktor.

He buried his face in his pillow and let out a wet, choked sigh. He couldn’t give up. He got this far and even with the mess he made, he already had four things he knew he was grateful for. Even if he did not feel it at the moment.

With a deep breath he pulled away from his pillow and forced himself to look at the diary again. He even managed not to wince at the heavy inky stained scratches over the first point.

_~~1\. My mother and my father and Mari~~ _   
_1\. My family_   
_2\. My home_   
_3\. The ice_   
_4\. Viktor_   
_5\. Phichit’s friendship_   
_6\. Magic_   
_7\. Minako-sensei’ ~~s…~~_   
_8\. Yuuko’s support_

He only needed two more. Just two. Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t he appreciate things more? Gritting his teeth he added another item.

_9\. My bed_

And then another because even if it wasn’t the whole truth, it was more than nothing and it had to be enough.

_10\. Privacy_


End file.
